Your first steps are to understand your legal options, protect your finances, and make a plan for what comes next.

What to do first:

1. Make sure you’re safe

If your spouse has threatened, controlled, or hurt you, prioritize your safety before discussing divorce. If you fear their reaction, use a safe device to seek help and consider speaking with a domestic violence advocate.

2. Learn the divorce laws where you live

The process depends on your state or country. Local laws determine filing requirements, property division, spousal support, child custody, and how long the process takes.

3. Gather important documents

Start collecting copies of tax returns, bank and retirement account statements, mortgage or lease documents, debts, insurance policies, and recent pay stubs. Keep them somewhere secure that you can access.

4. Understand your financial situation

Make a list of monthly expenses, income, assets, and debts. Think about where you would live and how you would cover expenses if you lived separately. Avoid making major financial transfers or agreements before understanding the legal consequences.

5. Speak with a divorce attorney

An initial consultation can help you understand your rights, likely costs, and next steps. The divorce lawyers and legal team at Tessmer Law Firm have the knowledge, expertise, and experience to help you navigate the divorce process from beginning to end (or, as we like to call it, a new beginning)

Submit A Consultation Request To Be Contacted By A Team Member

Disclaimer: This article provides general educational information and is not a substitute for legal advice.

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Navigating a divorce is never easy, but choosing the right attorney can make all the difference. In this episode, we break down the key factors to consider when selecting legal representation based on your unique situation.

From simple, uncontested divorces to high-conflict battles, we discuss:

• When a DIY divorce might work—and when it won’t
• The pros and cons of collaborative divorce
• Red flags to watch for when researching attorneys online
• The credentials that actually matter—board certification, peer recognition, and more
• • The must-ask questions during an initial consultation

Whether you’re just starting the process or feeling overwhelmed by your options, this episode will help you make an informed decision. Tune in now!

If you’re looking for trusted legal guidance, our team is here to help. Take a moment to meet our attorneys, learn about our approach to family law, and explore additional resources designed to answer your questions about divorce, custody, property division, and more. The more informed you are, the more confident you’ll feel as you move forward.

When you’re ready to discuss your situation, contact us to schedule a consultation. We’re here to help you understand your options, protect your interests, and guide you through every step of the divorce process.

The post How to Choose a Divorce Attorney appeared first on Tessmer Law Firm.

The divorce process can be long and draining. Make sure you are emotionally and mentally sure of the changes you want to make. There are possible steps before a divorce such as trial separation or therapy, but ultimately you are the best person to judge your relationship. Make an outline of your main talking points and reasons for wanting a divorce. Think about their potential questions and how you would answer. Consider their potential objections and responses to them. Practice saying your main talking points to help reflect a calm and confident decision.

You Can’t Control Your Partner’s Reaction

Remain calm as you are having the conversation. You were prepared for this, but they might not be. Start by addressing the important but uncomfortable nature of the conversation you are wanting to have. There is no way to know how your spouse will respond. They could be mad, confused, agree, or numb at first. These feelings, for both of you, will change throughout the conversation and the divorce process. While you can’t control their reaction, you can control your response to their reaction.

Using “I” Language

When explaining why you want a divorce, saying “you” may cause your spouse to react aggressively or in defense. Think about the goals you have for the conversation: are you looking to blame them or are you looking to have an honest conversation about ending your relationship? Instead of saying “you don’t care about me” consider rephrasing to “I feel frustrated when my feelings aren’t acknowledged.” A good sentence structure to consider is:

“I feel __(emotion)__ when __(event that causes emotion)__ because __(reason you feel this way)__.”

There’s Never a Perfect Moment

The sky won’t open and reveal the right moment to start the conversation. However, there are some key considerations to remember when determining when to have a conversation with your spouse. Think about a time when the children won’t be around to overhear or when you two will have the time to be alone for a significant time. Think of times when stress will be low, whether that be the time of day or the time of year.

Don’t Try to Figure It All Out

Tessmer Law Firm has a team of attorneys who are ready to guide you through the major issues of a divorce. A tense conversation and emotional thoughts won’t be productive when considering custody, housing arrangements, and more. For more information call us at 210-368-9708 or schedule a consultation.

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1. The Obsession with Exes

If your partner just cannot stop talking about their ex, whether it’s negative or positive, this is a red flag. There should be a willingness to discuss past relationships while keeping the focus on the new relationship. If your partner is constantly bad-mouthing their previous relationship, it likely means they have not moved on and still have healing to do. If your partner is always raving about how great their ex is– run. They are likely trying to make you jealous, and this behavior is toxic. 

2. Exhibiting Toxic Behaviors

Manipulating your relationships with friends and family, resentment, dishonesty, ignoring your needs, lack of self-care, and hoping for change from your partner are all behaviors that will take a toll on the relationship, and on you as an individual. If only one partner is invested in creating healthy patterns, there is little chance that any change will happen. 

3. Troubles with Intimacy

If you and your partner have had talks about what each person likes and dislikes in the bedroom and there are still problems, take a look at the relationship outside of the bedroom. Has sex become a task? Is it one-sided? Are there external factors at play? Intimacy is essential for every relationship, but it’s not entirely physical. 

If it feels like the relationship is more “me” instead of “we” and you don’t feel a strong emotional connection with your partner, it could be a sign that you have different styles of physical intimacy. You may be able to improve your relationship by discussing physical needs in-depth. It could also be a sign that you have encountered someone who is too different sexually and won’t be able to meet your needs.  

4. When the “Honeymoon” Phase Ends, And So Does the Effort

The start of a new relationship is mystifying, full of excitement and fun. After some time, the Honeymoon Phase will come to an end. This happens in every relationship and you, and your partner must communicate about your wants and needs in the relationship. 

If your partner has withdrawn their effort, leaving you to meet their wants and needs as well as your own, it’s time to have a serious conversation about their priorities and where the relationship is going. Consistent effort in relationships is essential for each person to have trust and confidence in the other person. 

5. You’re Hesitant to Share Good News with Them Because You Worry, They Will Respond Negatively

If they can’t celebrate good moments with me, then what can they appreciate? When our good news is met with jealousy, belittling, disbelief, or rejection, it can make us feel confused and detached from our own experiences in ways that distort our reality. 

The success that we experience doesn’t disappear, but the way we interpret these moments transforms into subtle but powerful ways when we are met with discourtesy. Sharing good news with each other creates collective intimacy in the relationship and strengthens the bond between partners.

6. You’re Not Proud to Be with Them

If you are hesitant to introduce your partner to your family or friends, or if you’re embarrassed to bring them to a work event, it’s time to stop and think about why you have those feelings. It could be something that is easily fixed with a conversation, or it could be a personality trait that can’t be changed. 

Healthy boundaries can help you determine how to handle the situation. For example, if they are loud, sloppy, or rude while on a date in public and expect you to tolerate it- run. This is toxic behavior that will not improve over time. 

We hope you found these tips valuable and informative. If you have questions about divorce, custody, or any other legal matter, schedule a confidential consultation with one of our attorneys by clicking here or calling us at 210-368-9708.

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Generally, a high asset or high net worth divorce means exactly that: one or both parties have a net worth over a certain threshold. The exact figure varies with opinion, but for us, it is one million dollars ($1,000,000.00). This figure can consist of the total worth of several different things: cash, investments, property, businesses, or other assets.

What are typical complexities?

High tensions:

Divorce, in general, is an emotional and vulnerable process; now add a minimum of one million dollars in assets needing to be divided—this can make the journey much more difficult to navigate. With high asset divorce involving a high monetary threshold, the tensions of the parties involved typically run high. This can lead to misunderstandings, as well as create difficulty with communication between the parties. If you’re going through a high-asset divorce, consult your attorney on conducting yourself and remaining as civil as possible. Civil composure can ensure each party obtains a fair settlement by the least restrictive means.

Long Proceedings:

With the amount of assets and their worth, it can become very difficult to determine a fair and equitable distribution within a short time frame. High-asset divorces typically take longer due to the sheer amount and complexity of the assets needing to be divided. 

Possible Lack of Privacy:

While this isn’t the case for all high-asset divorces, many people with assets meeting the minimum threshold live in the public eye. Therefore, their divorce becomes public knowledge, and privacy may become difficult to obtain. However, there are ways both parties can recover their privacy such as considering mediation or other alternative dispute resolution methods.

Need for Experts:

High-asset divorces may require the parties to consult with an expert. These experts can give insight and advice regarding their assets and the future of them. Want to know what type of experts you may encounter in a high asset divorce? 

If you have questions about a high asset divorce or any other legal matter, schedule a confidential consultation with one of our attorneys by clicking here or calling us at 210-368-9708.

The post High Asset Divorce appeared first on Tessmer Law Firm.

1. Commonality

As a firm that has handled countless, often messy divorce cases, we understand that working closely with your ex or soon-to-be-ex can be mentally and emotionally draining. After all, you are separated for a reason! During these times, it is vitally important for the well-being of your children that you and your ex learn to conduct yourselves civilly when it comes to parenting matters.

Remember, no matter how different you two may be, you will always have your children in common and you both love them very much. Keeping this in mind can remind us that our children and their well-being should always be at the forefront.

2. Consistency

Every parent knows that children like to test our boundaries. Children push the envelope and see what they can get away with while learning who they are and where they fit in the world. 

For these reasons, it is important for you and your ex to get on the same page regarding discipline. When one parent allows something that the other parent does not, it often creates a power struggle in the mind of your child. They may begin to wonder who is really in charge and often act out as a result. Your children deserve consistency and stability in their lives. Having set rules for both households can go a long way in making them feel safe and reassured.

3. Conversation

Children’s brains are like sponges, always soaking up information. This can be an issue with negative conversations that you have about your ex in front of your child. We understand that your ex might be someone that you perceive rather negatively. To your child, however, that is their mother or father, and they deserve to have a parent that they are proud of.

We know how hard it might be to find anything positive to say about your ex, but it’s vitally important for the well-being of your child to only speak positively about the other parent in front of them. Psychology statistics often show that children grow up to be generally happier and have higher self-esteem in cases where the parents chose to positively represent each other.

4. Composure

Has your child ever told you that their daddy put them in timeout for something silly or maybe that mommy lets them drink as much soda as they want before bed? For many, our first reaction is to be angry at and condemn our ex. 

Here at Tessmer Law Firm, we would urge you to remain calm. Your child is always watching and listening. Choose this moment to trust that your ex is doing their best for your child, just as you are. We know that it’s hard, but it will help to reinforce a sense of family for your child. This will remind them that, even when separated, you and your ex are both their parents.

5. Coexist

This one is tough; we won’t sugar-coat it. The reality of your situation is less than ideal, and it can often feel overwhelming to work so closely with someone whom you might have a tainted history with. 

Co-parenting is not pleasant, it’s not fun, and it certainly isn’t what you signed up for. You’re entitled to feel angry and sad about the situation, and you should allow yourself to feel those things. However, remember, at the end of the day, your kids need both you and your ex to step up. Be the best partners that you can be, given the circumstances, for their sake. You both love them very much, and they will remember all that you both did to make this transition so much easier for them.

We hope you found these tips valuable and informative. If you have questions about divorce, custody, or any other legal matter, schedule a confidential consultation with one of our attorneys by clicking here or calling us at 210-368-9708.

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You can now make choices and be open to opportunities that you may not have considered before divorce. Surround yourself with supportive family and friends.  Stay active and involved in your community.  Join a church group, or a gardening or book club.  Start volunteering at your local food banks or museums. Find your passion.  It is not too late to live your best life!

Take time to grieve:

Do not be afraid to allow yourself to feel and accept all the feelings you are experiencing. Divorce is a vulnerable and emotional rollercoaster, and it does not just stop once the divorce is finalized. You have to get used to a new normal; allow yourself to feel all the feelings that come with this change. Embracing all the emotions will bring you one step closer to accepting them, which brings you one step closer to emotional recovery. 

Use your resources:

 As unfortunate as divorce is, many people experience it. Fortunately for you, many divorced individuals have created resources to help, such as journals, support groups, and self-help books. If reading self-help books gives you a grasp on what you are experiencing and feeling, read them! If talking to friends and family is more your style, do it! If visiting a therapist and having a licensed professional in your corner is more beneficial for you, set up an appointment! Do not be afraid to reach out and use these resources when you feel you need them, they are there to help.

Find yourself again:

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” – Henry David Thoreau 

You may be a different person on the day you got married compared to the day your divorce is finalized. Post-divorce is difficult and can be extremely confusing. You may often ask yourself, “Who am I?” Following your divorce, it is completely normal to question your sense of self. Take some time to find out who you are again. You get the opportunity to experience life in a new light; take advantage of it. Make a list and try all the restaurants you have been dying to try, but your ex hated. Try a new workout regimen. Travel to places you have never been before. The world is your oyster!

We hope you found these tips valuable and informative. If you have questions about divorce or any other legal matter, schedule a confidential consultation with one of our attorneys by clicking here or calling us at 210-368-9708.

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A high-asset divorce can be among the most complex family law matters. It is important that knowledgeable and qualified experts are consulted to protect your assets, interests, and rights. Forensic accountants, professional appraisers, financial and wealth managers, tax consultants, pension valuation experts, and business evaluators are just some of the qualified professionals that your attorney could bring in to help with your case. Many of these experts will not only advise you on the next steps or ensure equitable distribution, but as an expert, their expertise will hold up in court. Below is a quick description of these qualified experts and the role they may play in your case.

Forensic Accountants

A forensic accountant will dive into the financials within your marriage, seeking information that can be used in court. Some of the information they may uncover includes income, tax returns, assets, bank statements, or credit card statements.

Professional Appraisers

A professional appraiser will conduct an assessment regarding the value of any marital estate, including real estate and personal property. This ensures the party receives their fair share in the divorce settlement, backed by expert evidence.

Financial and Wealth Managers

With all the changes divorce entails, especially financially, a wealth manager will give you advice on financial planning and investment management. Within financial planning, they will help you articulate a plan regarding your spending needs in the present or future. With investment management, they will help you articulate a long-term goal regarding your investments and how you can achieve that goal. 

Tax Consultants

A tax consultant will advise and help manage tax issues in relation to your divorce, such as the division of assets. 

Pension Valuation Experts

A pension value expert will evaluate and divide your pension (your retirement plan) in a just and equitable manner. These experts are impartial and will provide their expert opinion, with the goal of an unbiased and fair division.

Business Evaluators

If you or your ex, or soon-to-be ex, own a business or business interest, a business evaluator will determine the value and ensure equitable distribution of these assets. 

If you have questions about a high asset divorce or any other legal matter, schedule a confidential consultation with one of our attorneys by clicking here or calling us at 210-368-9708.

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Divorce Mistake #1: Forcing The Kids To Take Sides

It is a painful time – you are angry and just want to hurt your spouse, but never, ever use your kids as pawns in the process. The best thing you can do for them is to remind them that both parents love them and will be there for them, no matter what happens. Resist the urge to badmouth your soon-to-be-ex in front of your kids, no matter what they’ve done.

Divorce Mistake #2: Failure To Develop A Parenting Plan

Once your divorce is final, your relationship with your ex will change — sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. The more specific you can be with the start and end times for your kids’ parenting time, vacations, holidays, etc., the easier it will be on them because they will have some routine when the rest of their lives have been disrupted.

Divorce Mistake #3: Jumping Into A New Relationship

Divorce is one of the most stressful and isolating experiences you can go through.  It makes sense to seek the comfort, emotional connection, and fun distraction that a new relationship offers, but please, refrain. You are not ready to give another person what they deserve. Your kids will be confused by you bringing a new “parent” into the picture. You need time to recover and reflect before jumping into a new relationship. Avoid these mistakes and take some time to rebuild your sense of self and define yourself apart from your ex.

We hope you found these tips valuable and informative. We want you to avoid these common mistakes when getting divorced. 

If you have questions about divorce or any other legal matter, call us at 210-368-9708.  We are here to help!

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Mediation is a popular method for resolving family law disputes in Texas. In particular, divorce mediation is for couples who seek an efficient, yet fair, divorce process. Mediation is a process that allows couples to control certain aspects of their outcome. Unlike in court proceedings, the parties in mediation have the responsibility to work together to find a resolution.

Unlike other forms of alternative dispute resolution, a court can refer a family to mediation, or a dispute may be referred to mediation based on a written agreement of both parties. The parties can participate in mediation before or after a lawsuit has been filed in a court of law. Discussions in front of a mediator are confidential. If one or both parties changes their mind during mediation and chooses to proceed with court proceedings, nothing that was discussed in mediation can be used in litigation and the mediator cannot be called as a witness for either spouse in court.

In many cases, the cost of mediation is less than other forms of alternative dispute resolution or litigating their case in court. Often mediation is also the most time efficient method, as many parties can address and resolve their conflicts in a day or less. Even a failed attempt at mediation can be cost effective. If couples abandon mediation, they will usually find that they are more prepared and have more information needed to move the case forward quickly. The attempted mediation will likely result in lower attorney’s fees for each party.

Mediation isn’t just for divorce cases. Professional mediation services may be used to resolve ongoing child custody issues, such as visitation or child support, property division, or other family law disputes. Mediation is especially encouraged for families with disputes about children, as it can help them maintain a healthy relationship and avoid the family law courts.

Lastly, mediation is generally not advised in cases where there is a history of domestic violence or other evidence of an extreme power imbalance between the parties. For mediation to be successful, both parties must feel that they can speak freely with the mediator and each other. However, if one spouse is afraid to speak freely or is afraid of repercussions after speaking freely, mediation is likely not appropriate.

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