Relationships can experience many problems, but some problems are red flags and a warning of something deeper. With over 25 years of practicing family law in San Antonio, Texas, Heather Tessmer has learned to recognize the signs. These are six red flags you should look for in a relationship.
1. The Obsession with Exes
If your partner just cannot stop talking about their ex, whether it’s negative or positive, this is a red flag. There should be a willingness to discuss past relationships while keeping the focus on the new relationship. If your partner is constantly bad-mouthing their previous relationship, it likely means they have not moved on and still have healing to do. If your partner is always raving about how great their ex is– run. They are likely trying to make you jealous, and this behavior is toxic.
2. Exhibiting Toxic Behaviors
Manipulating your relationships with friends and family, resentment, dishonesty, ignoring your needs, lack of self-care, and hoping for change from your partner are all behaviors that will take a toll on the relationship, and on you as an individual. If only one partner is invested in creating healthy patterns, there is little chance that any change will happen.
3. Troubles with Intimacy
If you and your partner have had talks about what each person likes and dislikes in the bedroom and there are still problems, take a look at the relationship outside of the bedroom. Has sex become a task? Is it one-sided? Are there external factors at play? Intimacy is essential for every relationship, but it’s not entirely physical.
If it feels like the relationship is more “me” instead of “we” and you don’t feel a strong emotional connection with your partner, it could be a sign that you have different styles of physical intimacy. You may be able to improve your relationship by discussing physical needs in-depth. It could also be a sign that you have encountered someone who is too different sexually and won’t be able to meet your needs.
4. When the “Honeymoon” Phase Ends, And So Does the Effort
The start of a new relationship is mystifying, full of excitement and fun. After some time, the Honeymoon Phase will come to an end. This happens in every relationship and you, and your partner must communicate about your wants and needs in the relationship.
If your partner has withdrawn their effort, leaving you to meet their wants and needs as well as your own, it’s time to have a serious conversation about their priorities and where the relationship is going. Consistent effort in relationships is essential for each person to have trust and confidence in the other person.
5. You’re Hesitant to Share Good News with Them Because You Worry, They Will Respond Negatively
If they can’t celebrate good moments with me, then what can they appreciate? When our good news is met with jealousy, belittling, disbelief, or rejection, it can make us feel confused and detached from our own experiences in ways that distort our reality.
The success that we experience doesn’t disappear, but the way we interpret these moments transforms into subtle but powerful ways when we are met with discourtesy. Sharing good news with each other creates collective intimacy in the relationship and strengthens the bond between partners.
6. You’re Not Proud to Be with Them
If you are hesitant to introduce your partner to your family or friends, or if you’re embarrassed to bring them to a work event, it’s time to stop and think about why you have those feelings. It could be something that is easily fixed with a conversation, or it could be a personality trait that can’t be changed.
Healthy boundaries can help you determine how to handle the situation. For example, if they are loud, sloppy, or rude while on a date in public and expect you to tolerate it- run. This is toxic behavior that will not improve over time.
We hope you found these tips valuable and informative. If you have questions about divorce, custody, or any other legal matter, schedule a confidential consultation with one of our attorneys by clicking here or calling us at 210-368-9708.