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Tessmer Tips / 20.04.2016

WARNING SIGN #3: THE GREEN MONSTER:   At first, the jealous behavior doesn’t seem excessive, so there is no immediate red flag warning. You may notice he is uncomfortable with you talking to other men or participating in activities without him, but you think his response is “sweet,” or is proof of his devotion to you. Unfortunately, these minor displays of jealousy are only the beginning for an abuser. The jealousy will increase in intensity as the relationship progresses, and it has the potential to manifest into a lethal attack.  When questioned, an abuser will claim that his possessiveness is a...

Tessmer Tips / 19.04.2016

WARNING SIGN #2: LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE:   Many of us tell a “white lie” in the beginning stages of a relationship. Even in healthy relationships, it is common for one to emphasize their positive qualities and minimize any shortcomings to appear more likable. However, the abuser is blatantly deceptive about himself.  Because it bears such little resemblance to reality, great conscious effort is required to maintain his lies. The abuser is often superficial. He will be preoccupied with acquiring status symbols (car, boat, clothing, etc.) and spend excessive time “perfecting” his image.  He craves attention, praise and reassurance; appears be overly-confident...

Tessmer Tips / 18.04.2016

WARNING SIGN #1: TOO MUCH TOO SOON:   An abuser will claim to be head over heels for you, having fallen in love “at first sight” and believe you are soul mates. He may compare you to his ex, claiming that he has never loved anyone as much as he loves you. He might pressure you into engaging in sex before you are ready.  He will fail to respect your boundaries because you are “made for each other.” Initially his professions of love are flattering and extremely romantic, but in reality, these sentiments are used to cloud your judgment and gain your...

Tessmer Tips / 15.04.2016

Recognize the potential for domestic violence BEFORE it happens. Abusers display certain behavior traits that can serve as warning signs of their potential to become violent.  It is rare for an abuser to show these traits in the beginning stages of a relationship, but they are incapable of maintaining that control long-term.  Once the abuser becomes comfortable in a relationship, the unhealthy behaviors increasingly show themselves.  It is important to acknowledge your fears and/or concerns over your partner’s unhealthy behavior.  Trust your instincts!  Learn the following traits of an abuser to protect yourself.  Teach them to your teens as they...

Tessmer Tips / 14.04.2016

If you are concerned that your own behaviors may be unhealthy or abusive towards your partner, you too can get help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799- 7233) can refer you to programs and services to help prevent violence. The operators are always impartial, empathetic, willing to listen and withhold judgment. They can help you identify unhealthy behaviors in your relationship and brainstorm healthy alternatives for those behaviors.   Victims of domestic violence need a plan for safety, beginning with knowing what to do when a violent incident occurs. Try to keep away from rooms containing dangerous objects (kitchens, bathrooms) and know...

Tessmer Tips / 13.04.2016

Nearly three-quarters of Americans say they know someone who is or has been a victim of domestic violence. If you see something, say something. Incidents of battery are rarely isolated and usually increase in frequency and intensity over time. Between 30% and 60% of abusers who target their spouse or partners also abuse their children. If you are a neighbor of a household that you believe may be experiencing domestic violence, please do not turn a blind eye. Being ready to witness and call the authorities when appropriate could save a life.   If you suspect that a friend or co-worker may...