Be Honest with Yourself.
The divorce process can be long and draining. Make sure you are emotionally and mentally sure of the changes you want to make. There are possible steps before a divorce such as trial separation or therapy, but ultimately you are the best person to judge your relationship. Make an outline of your main talking points and reasons for wanting a divorce. Think about their potential questions and how you would answer. Consider their potential objections and responses to them. Practice saying your main talking points to help reflect a calm and confident decision.
You Can’t Control Your Partner’s Reaction
Remain calm as you are having the conversation. You were prepared for this, but they might not be. Start by addressing the important but uncomfortable nature of the conversation you are wanting to have. There is no way to know how your spouse will respond. They could be mad, confused, agree, or numb at first. These feelings, for both of you, will change throughout the conversation and the divorce process. While you can’t control their reaction, you can control your response to their reaction.
Using “I” Language
When explaining why you want a divorce, saying “you” may cause your spouse to react aggressively or in defense. Think about the goals you have for the conversation: are you looking to blame them or are you looking to have an honest conversation about ending your relationship? Instead of saying “you don’t care about me” consider rephrasing to “I feel frustrated when my feelings aren’t acknowledged.” A good sentence structure to consider is:
“I feel __(emotion)__ when __(event that causes emotion)__ because __(reason you feel this way)__.”
There’s Never a Perfect Moment
The sky won’t open and reveal the right moment to start the conversation. However, there are some key considerations to remember when determining when to have a conversation with your spouse. Think about a time when the children won’t be around to overhear or when you two will have the time to be alone for a significant time. Think of times when stress will be low, whether that be the time of day or the time of year.
Don’t Try to Figure It All Out
Tessmer Law Firm has a team of attorneys who are ready to guide you through the major issues of a divorce. A tense conversation and emotional thoughts won’t be productive when considering custody, housing arrangements, and more. For more information call us at 210-368-9708 or schedule a consultation.
