1. Commonality

As a firm that has handled countless, often messy divorce cases, we understand that working closely with your ex or soon-to-be-ex can be mentally and emotionally draining. After all, you are separated for a reason! During these times, it is vitally important for the well-being of your children that you and your ex learn to conduct yourselves civilly when it comes to parenting matters.

Remember, no matter how different you two may be, you will always have your children in common and you both love them very much. Keeping this in mind can remind us that our children and their well-being should always be at the forefront.

2. Consistency

Every parent knows that children like to test our boundaries. Children push the envelope and see what they can get away with while learning who they are and where they fit in the world. 

For these reasons, it is important for you and your ex to get on the same page regarding discipline. When one parent allows something that the other parent does not, it often creates a power struggle in the mind of your child. They may begin to wonder who is really in charge and often act out as a result. Your children deserve consistency and stability in their lives. Having set rules for both households can go a long way in making them feel safe and reassured.

3. Conversation

Children’s brains are like sponges, always soaking up information. This can be an issue with negative conversations that you have about your ex in front of your child. We understand that your ex might be someone that you perceive rather negatively. To your child, however, that is their mother or father, and they deserve to have a parent that they are proud of.

We know how hard it might be to find anything positive to say about your ex, but it’s vitally important for the well-being of your child to only speak positively about the other parent in front of them. Psychology statistics often show that children grow up to be generally happier and have higher self-esteem in cases where the parents chose to positively represent each other.

4. Composure

Has your child ever told you that their daddy put them in timeout for something silly or maybe that mommy lets them drink as much soda as they want before bed? For many, our first reaction is to be angry at and condemn our ex. 

Here at Tessmer Law Firm, we would urge you to remain calm. Your child is always watching and listening. Choose this moment to trust that your ex is doing their best for your child, just as you are. We know that it’s hard, but it will help to reinforce a sense of family for your child. This will remind them that, even when separated, you and your ex are both their parents.

5. Coexist

This one is tough; we won’t sugar-coat it. The reality of your situation is less than ideal, and it can often feel overwhelming to work so closely with someone whom you might have a tainted history with. 

Co-parenting is not pleasant, it’s not fun, and it certainly isn’t what you signed up for. You’re entitled to feel angry and sad about the situation, and you should allow yourself to feel those things. However, remember, at the end of the day, your kids need both you and your ex to step up. Be the best partners that you can be, given the circumstances, for their sake. You both love them very much, and they will remember all that you both did to make this transition so much easier for them.

We hope you found these tips valuable and informative. If you have questions about divorce, custody, or any other legal matter, schedule a confidential consultation with one of our attorneys by clicking here or calling us at 210-368-9708.

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Mediation is a popular method for resolving family law disputes in Texas. In particular, divorce mediation is for couples who seek an efficient, yet fair, divorce process. Mediation is a process that allows couples to control certain aspects of their outcome. Unlike in court proceedings, the parties in mediation have the responsibility to work together to find a resolution.

Unlike other forms of alternative dispute resolution, a court can refer a family to mediation, or a dispute may be referred to mediation based on a written agreement of both parties. The parties can participate in mediation before or after a lawsuit has been filed in a court of law. Discussions in front of a mediator are confidential. If one or both parties changes their mind during mediation and chooses to proceed with court proceedings, nothing that was discussed in mediation can be used in litigation and the mediator cannot be called as a witness for either spouse in court.

In many cases, the cost of mediation is less than other forms of alternative dispute resolution or litigating their case in court. Often mediation is also the most time efficient method, as many parties can address and resolve their conflicts in a day or less. Even a failed attempt at mediation can be cost effective. If couples abandon mediation, they will usually find that they are more prepared and have more information needed to move the case forward quickly. The attempted mediation will likely result in lower attorney’s fees for each party.

Mediation isn’t just for divorce cases. Professional mediation services may be used to resolve ongoing child custody issues, such as visitation or child support, property division, or other family law disputes. Mediation is especially encouraged for families with disputes about children, as it can help them maintain a healthy relationship and avoid the family law courts.

Lastly, mediation is generally not advised in cases where there is a history of domestic violence or other evidence of an extreme power imbalance between the parties. For mediation to be successful, both parties must feel that they can speak freely with the mediator and each other. However, if one spouse is afraid to speak freely or is afraid of repercussions after speaking freely, mediation is likely not appropriate.

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Medical Benefits Program

The medical benefits program available to active-duty service members, retirees, and family members is called TRICARE. After a divorce, a service member’s children continue to qualify for TRICARE. Unfortunately for civilian spouses, unless you meet some pretty stringent requirements, you will no longer qualify once you are divorced. You get to keep your TRICARE coverage only if all the following things are true:

• You do not qualify for health insurance through your own employment.
• You have not remarried.
• You meet the requirements of the 20/20/20 rule, meaning that you were married for at least 20 years, your spouse has at least 20 years of military service, and there was at least a 20-year overlap between those two time periods. (Lesser benefits are available to spouses who meet a 20/20/15 rule, meaning the overlap was at least 15 years.)

Military Pension

“My wife can’t get a share of my pension. We have not been married ten years during my service.”  

This is incorrect.  There is no minimum number of years for divisibility of the military pension. The so-called “10/10 Rule” (or 10-Year Rule) is a source of confusion for many individuals when dealing with a military divorce. The 10-Year Rule only affects how the former spouse receives the share of military retirement pay to which he or she is entitled because of a divorce. 

The first “10” of the 10/10 Rule requires a couple to have been married for at least ten years. The second “10” requires the military spouse to have served at least 10 years of service creditable towards retirement during the marriage. If both these conditions are met, then the Defense Finance and Accounting Services (DFAS) may directly pay a former spouse his or her share of military retirement pay. 

If the 10-Year Rule is not met, then the military spouse must provide the former spouse his or her share directly, which could be done by mailing a check, setting up an allotment or automatic payment, or some similar method.

How Remarrying Affects Benefits

How does remarrying affect the benefits awarded to you in a military divorce? First, let’s start with the retirement pay.  That would not be affected by your remarriage, as it is considered a split of marital property and is stated in your divorce decree.  

If your ex-spouse passes away, and you are covered by the Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP) as a “former spouse,” your benefits through SBP would stop if you remarried prior to age 55.  If that marriage ends due to death or divorce, your SBP benefits would restart.  You will lose military health care benefits permanently if you remarry.  

Finally, base privileges including the commissary, exchange and recreational facilities would be terminated upon remarriage, but could be reinstated in the event the marriage ends. 

If you have questions or need assistance with a matter involving military benefits as they apply to family law, call us today at 210-368-9708 to schedule a consultation.

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With so much focus on mothers after a child is born, a father’s rights during adoption can sometimes get lost in the shuffle, especially if the mother plans to consent to adoption for the child. When this is the case, what is a father’s rights during adoption? 

First, the child’s father must be notified of the birth and the mother’s plans for adoption. Notification can be made either personally by service or by publication. Reasonable efforts must be made to locate the father before the adoption can proceed.

A father can sign an affidavit giving up all rights to his child any time after the first trimester. But, if a man is the biological father, married to the mother, he cannot consent until 48 hours after the child’s birth. 

These are the laws for two parents who are on the same page regarding the adoption process. What if the father of the baby does not want to place the child up for adoption?

In Texas, a father may add his name to the state paternity registry.

The Texas Vital Statistics Unit operates the state paternity registry. By adding his name to this list, a father declares that he is the father of a child and that he wants to claim his parental rights. He can register before the child is born or within 31 days after the birth of the child.

The paternity registry is used when the birth father and mother no longer have a relationship and the father is not listed on the child’s birth certificate. Filing on the list does not legally establish paternity, and it cannot be used to add the man’s name to the birth certificate.

What if the mother does not know who the biological father is?

Adoption means terminating the parental rights of both birth parents. Efforts must be made to find the identity and whereabouts of the biological father.  The Department of Family & Protective Services must show the court that diligent efforts to locate the father were made.

Under section 161.002 of the Texas Family Code, the rights of an alleged father may be terminated if:

• the child is over one year of age at the time the petition for termination or adoption is filed
• he has not registered with the paternity registry
• if, after exercising due diligence, his identify and location cannot be determined
• his identity is known but he cannot be located

This means that a father who wants a relationship with his child has one year from the child’s birth to sign up with the paternity registry.  If he does not, his rights can be terminated if he cannot be found or if his identity is unknown.

Of course, a birth father may choose not to consent to the adoption. Birth fathers have the same legal rights as birth mothers. As a father, you have the right to object to the adoption, request a paternity test and file suit to seek custody of your child.

An experienced Family Law attorney can help you protect your rights as a father. If you have questions or concerns about your parental rights, call us at 210-368-9708 to schedule a consultation. 

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The four types of child support available in Texas are current child support, medical child support, retroactive child support, and temporary child support. A further break down of the different types, so that you can better understand which fits your situation, follows:

• Current child support is an obligation imposed on a parent to support his child for a period of time following the entry of a final judgment
• Medical child support is a lump-sum payment or series of periodic payments made to cover the child’s medical expenses, including health-insurance coverage
• Retroactive child support is a repayment of monies spent for the care of the child in the past
• Temporary child support is awarded to support the child until a final judgment is entered.

Child Support Guidelines

The Texas Family Code provides guidelines for all aspects of child support. Guideline child support is calculated on the first $11,700.00 the parent earns each month unless there is a reason to deviate from the guidelines. If the parent’s monthly net resources are $11,700.00 or less, the amount of child support is calculated as a percentage of that amount. If there is only one child, child support would be 20% of the parent’s net resources. If there is more than one child, or there are children in different households, the percentages change.

If the parent’s monthly net resources are over this amount, the amount of child support is calculated as a percentage of the first $11,700.00 and then adjusted based on the child’s proven needs. The Attorney General’s Office adjusts the guidelines every six years. 

It’s important to remember the child support guidelines are just guidelines. To adjust the child support guidelines, it must be proven that the child’s needs exceed the presumptive amount of child support. The needs of the child are based on the child’s best interest. They include more than just life’s bare necessities, but they do not turn on the parents’ ability to pay or the family lifestyle.

Calculating the net resources of a parent for child support can be difficult at times. The court must determine the sum of all resources available on an annual basis. Some of the resources to consider include wages, bonuses, commissions, severance or retirement pay, social security and disability benefits, alimony, rental income, child support, interest income, capital gains, gifts, and prizes. 

Sometimes, a parent will intentionally become under- or unemployed to avoid paying child support. The court must be shown that the child support-avoiding parent is making significantly less than he or she made in the past and that the parent has chosen to be under or unemployed. In Texas, child support is taken from unemployment benefits through wage withholding. Up to 50% of unemployment earnings can be withheld to satisfy current monthly child support obligations.

The Office of the Attorney General of Texas assists parents with child support. Child support payments should be made to the state disbursement unit. The Attorney General’s office will keep track of the child support payments, disburse the child support payments, modify the child support payments, and enforce the child support orders. Child support withholding orders are signed at the same time as the final order. Withholding orders are helpful because the child support payments can be pulled directly from the parent’s paycheck. This helps ensure that payments are made on time and in the correct amount.

Child Support for Adult Children

Child support may be available for adult disabled children. When determining the amount of child support, the court must consider the child’s existing and future needs, the parent’s willingness to pay or provide for care or supervision, the parents’ financial resources, and other financial resources.

Medical child support is in addition to the amount a parent is required to pay for child support under the guidelines. A parent may be ordered to provide health insurance for a child at a “reasonable cost.” The cost of health insurance coverage is reasonable if it does not exceed 9% of the parent’s annual resources. Medical child support also includes the cost of unreimbursed medical expenses, dental and vision. These further medical expenses are typically split between the parents but can be adjusted by the court.

Retroactive child support is payment for prior months where no child support was paid. Retroactive child support can be awarded at the discretion of the judge and can typically go back as much as four years.

If you have questions or need assistance with a matter involving child support, call us today at 210-368-9708 or click here to schedule a consultation. Tessmer Law Firm, PLLC are your San Antonio attorneys putting families first!

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Last week we discussed what a common-law marriage entails, but how do you enter into one?

If You Would Like To Enter A Common-Law Marriage You Must Be:

• over 18;
• marrying someone of the opposite sex;
• not related to your future spouse;
• not currently married.

More Requirements When Entering A Common-Law Marriage

Nobody under the age of 18 may enter into an informal marriage, even with parental approval. Besides being over 18, you cannot be relatives by consanguinity. Couples of the informal marriage may be same-sex since becoming legal for every state in 2015. You can read more about the  Obergefell v. Hodges decision here. Finally, both parties must be single. This means, that if one person is already in a marriage, he or she must divorce his or her spouse whether the marriage is common-law or not. It is not possible for one person to have two or more spouses in any form.

The most straightforward way to enter into a common-law marriage is to sign a declaration of marriage at the county clerk’s office. But, that is not necessary. You can move in together, and behave as a husband and wife would, inferring a common-law marriage agreement.

What If I Want To Move To A Different State?

Not all states recognize common-law marriage. Your marriage will stand in Texas but not if you move to a new state that does not honor informal marriages. Consider this possibility when entering into a common-law marriage. Find a list of states allowing informal marriages here.

To avoid a common-law marriage, the best thing to do is draw up a contract with a lawyer stating that while you live with this person, you wish to remain single. With a contract in place, you can live with a significant other without ever becoming spouses. Keeping bank accounts separate, filing separate tax returns, and of course, not referring to your partner as a spouse, will keep you single!

Further Reading:

Pro Se Resources-Common Law Marriage

The Statesman

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What has changed?

• They make excuses for injuries
• Their personality has changed. They used to be so confident, now they have such low self-esteem
• They have become reserved and distant
• They are constantly checking in with their partner
• They never really have access to money, or money on hand
• They seem overly worried about pleasing their partner
• They seem to be cutting off everyone from their life: friends, family, close co-workers
• They’ve been absent at or late to work, school, or social outings for no clear reason
• They’re wearing clothes that don’t fit the season, such as long sleeves in summer to maybe cover bruises
• They have been showing signs of fear, anxiety, or nervousness when they are away from their partner
• They refer to their partner as jealous, moody, having a bad temper, etc.

How can I help?

It’s important to approach them delicately and in private. Do not expect them to be super vocal at first, they may even deny it. All you can do is be a friend and offer your support should they need it, as well as provide them with guidance on who to contact. Men and women alike can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE). Help is available 24/7 in over 170 languages and all calls are anonymous. Read more here.

Tessmer Law Firm, PLLC is assisting clients through separation, divorce, and more. To schedule a consultation click here or call 210-368-9708.

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Domestic abuse is more than just physical. There can be psychological abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse (yes, you can be sexually abused and even raped by your significant other), financial abuse, and emotional abuse.

Am I being abused?

Am I being sexually abused?

• Rape, attempted rape or sexual assault
• Inappropriate touching anywhere
• Masturbation of either or both parties without consent
• Sexual penetration or attempted penetration of the vagina, anus or mouth without consent
• Any sexual activity that the person lacks the capacity to consent to
• Inappropriate looking, sexual teasing or suggestive commentary, or sexual harassment
• Sexual photography or forced use of pornography or witnessing of sexual acts
• Indecent exposure

Am I being psychologically or emotionally abused?

• They force social isolation
  • They prevent you from accessing services, educational and social opportunities or seeing friends
• They remove mobility or communication aids
• They intentionally leave you unattended when you need help
• They prevent you from meeting your religious or cultural needs
• They prevent your from expressing your opinion
• They fail to respect your privacy
• They prevent your from mental stimulation, such as engaging in meaningful occupation or activities
• They use tactics of intimidation, coercion, harassment, threats, humiliation, bullying, as well as swearing or verbal abuse
• They address you in a patronizing or infantilizing way
• They threaten harm or abandonment
• They cyber bully you via text or social media

Am I being financially or materially abused?

• They steal your money or possessions
• They prevent you from accessing your own money, benefits or assets
• They arrange for less care than is needed to save money to maximize inheritance
• They deny assistance to manage/monitor financial affairs
• They deny assistance to access benefits
• They misuse personal allowance in a care home
• They misuse benefits or direct payments in a family home
• The use false representation, using your bank account, cards or documents
• They exploit your money or assets, e.g., unauthorized use of a car
• They misuse a power of attorney, deputy, appointeeship or other legal authority

Help is available if you or someone you know needs it. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or visit the Abuse and Domestic Violence Resource Page. Tessmer Law Firm, PLLC is assisting clients through separation, divorce, and more. To schedule a consultation click here or call 210-368-9708.

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Couples in Texas that want to live apart have only one legal remedy – divorce.

If you want to split up and live apart, but not divorce, you can voluntarily decide on a parenting plan for your children. A Suit Affecting the Parent-Child Relationship (SAPCR) can be filed that outlines the rights and responsibilities of each parent. A SAPCR is not a Google-and-do-it-yourself document. You will want an experienced family law attorney to draft it for you.

But that only addresses legal issues with your children. What do you do to protect your property rights? How do you legally divide your finances, your debts, etc.?

It is possible to work out an informal separation agreement.

But, because the state of Texas does not recognize separation as legal, it limits your protections. Your ability to enforce the agreement if your spouse decides to disagree could be limited, too.

Another way to divide community property if you want to separate is with a “Partition and Exchange Agreement.” This is sometimes called a “Post-Nuptial Agreement.”  This allows a couple to transfer interest in marital property to one spouse so that it becomes that spouse’s separate property. This type of agreement must be signed by both parties and recorded in the deeds records of the county where the property is located.

A Post-Nuptial Agreement can stay in effect for a lifetime, and all the while, the parties remain legally married. If at some point you decide to divorce, the property that has already been partitioned stays separate property. The court cannot change it back to community property or take it away from you and give it to your spouse.

A problem that could come up is if you decide to reconcile, but you do not undo the agreement. If you later decide to divorce, or if your spouse dies, the Post-Nuptial Agreement is still in effect. You may be surprised to learn that you do not have rights to certain property that you would, had you dissolved the Post-Nuptial Agreement.

All in all, the best legal way to separate in Texas is to file for divorce.

Soon after filing for divorce, there is a hearing to establish Temporary Orders. At this hearing, you can petition the court to:

• Establish child custody and visitation arrangements;
• Establish child support and/or spousal support payments;
• Force a spouse to move out of the family home;
• Order either spouse not to sell any valuable assets; and
• Give possession of the family home or vehicle to one spouse.

Once Temporary Orders are in place, a divorcing couple can “live on” the orders for an indefinite period of time.

If you are thinking about separation or divorce, call us for a consultation at 210-368-9708. Our experienced Attorneys can tell you of your rights under the law and help you protect yourself, your children, and your assets.

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