You can now make choices and be open to opportunities that you may not have considered before divorce. Surround yourself with supportive family and friends.  Stay active and involved in your community.  Join a church group, or a gardening or book club.  Start volunteering at your local food banks or museums. Find your passion.  It is not too late to live your best life!

Take time to grieve:

Do not be afraid to allow yourself to feel and accept all the feelings you are experiencing. Divorce is a vulnerable and emotional rollercoaster, and it does not just stop once the divorce is finalized. You have to get used to a new normal; allow yourself to feel all the feelings that come with this change. Embracing all the emotions will bring you one step closer to accepting them, which brings you one step closer to emotional recovery. 

Use your resources:

 As unfortunate as divorce is, many people experience it. Fortunately for you, many divorced individuals have created resources to help, such as journals, support groups, and self-help books. If reading self-help books gives you a grasp on what you are experiencing and feeling, read them! If talking to friends and family is more your style, do it! If visiting a therapist and having a licensed professional in your corner is more beneficial for you, set up an appointment! Do not be afraid to reach out and use these resources when you feel you need them, they are there to help.

Find yourself again:

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” – Henry David Thoreau 

You may be a different person on the day you got married compared to the day your divorce is finalized. Post-divorce is difficult and can be extremely confusing. You may often ask yourself, “Who am I?” Following your divorce, it is completely normal to question your sense of self. Take some time to find out who you are again. You get the opportunity to experience life in a new light; take advantage of it. Make a list and try all the restaurants you have been dying to try, but your ex hated. Try a new workout regimen. Travel to places you have never been before. The world is your oyster!

We hope you found these tips valuable and informative. If you have questions about divorce or any other legal matter, schedule a confidential consultation with one of our attorneys by clicking here or calling us at 210-368-9708.

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A high-asset divorce can be among the most complex family law matters. It is important that knowledgeable and qualified experts are consulted to protect your assets, interests, and rights. Forensic accountants, professional appraisers, financial and wealth managers, tax consultants, pension valuation experts, and business evaluators are just some of the qualified professionals that your attorney could bring in to help with your case. Many of these experts will not only advise you on the next steps or ensure equitable distribution, but as an expert, their expertise will hold up in court. Below is a quick description of these qualified experts and the role they may play in your case.

Forensic Accountants

A forensic accountant will dive into the financials within your marriage, seeking information that can be used in court. Some of the information they may uncover includes income, tax returns, assets, bank statements, or credit card statements.

Professional Appraisers

A professional appraiser will conduct an assessment regarding the value of any marital estate, including real estate and personal property. This ensures the party receives their fair share in the divorce settlement, backed by expert evidence.

Financial and Wealth Managers

With all the changes divorce entails, especially financially, a wealth manager will give you advice on financial planning and investment management. Within financial planning, they will help you articulate a plan regarding your spending needs in the present or future. With investment management, they will help you articulate a long-term goal regarding your investments and how you can achieve that goal. 

Tax Consultants

A tax consultant will advise and help manage tax issues in relation to your divorce, such as the division of assets. 

Pension Valuation Experts

A pension value expert will evaluate and divide your pension (your retirement plan) in a just and equitable manner. These experts are impartial and will provide their expert opinion, with the goal of an unbiased and fair division.

Business Evaluators

If you or your ex, or soon-to-be ex, own a business or business interest, a business evaluator will determine the value and ensure equitable distribution of these assets. 

If you have questions about a high asset divorce or any other legal matter, schedule a confidential consultation with one of our attorneys by clicking here or calling us at 210-368-9708.

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Last week we discussed what a common-law marriage entails, but how do you enter into one?

If You Would Like To Enter A Common-Law Marriage You Must Be:

• over 18;
• marrying someone of the opposite sex;
• not related to your future spouse;
• not currently married.

More Requirements When Entering A Common-Law Marriage

Nobody under the age of 18 may enter into an informal marriage, even with parental approval. Besides being over 18, you cannot be relatives by consanguinity. Couples of the informal marriage may be same-sex since becoming legal for every state in 2015. You can read more about the  Obergefell v. Hodges decision here. Finally, both parties must be single. This means, that if one person is already in a marriage, he or she must divorce his or her spouse whether the marriage is common-law or not. It is not possible for one person to have two or more spouses in any form.

The most straightforward way to enter into a common-law marriage is to sign a declaration of marriage at the county clerk’s office. But, that is not necessary. You can move in together, and behave as a husband and wife would, inferring a common-law marriage agreement.

What If I Want To Move To A Different State?

Not all states recognize common-law marriage. Your marriage will stand in Texas but not if you move to a new state that does not honor informal marriages. Consider this possibility when entering into a common-law marriage. Find a list of states allowing informal marriages here.

To avoid a common-law marriage, the best thing to do is draw up a contract with a lawyer stating that while you live with this person, you wish to remain single. With a contract in place, you can live with a significant other without ever becoming spouses. Keeping bank accounts separate, filing separate tax returns, and of course, not referring to your partner as a spouse, will keep you single!

Further Reading:

Pro Se Resources-Common Law Marriage

The Statesman

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What has changed?

• They make excuses for injuries
• Their personality has changed. They used to be so confident, now they have such low self-esteem
• They have become reserved and distant
• They are constantly checking in with their partner
• They never really have access to money, or money on hand
• They seem overly worried about pleasing their partner
• They seem to be cutting off everyone from their life: friends, family, close co-workers
• They’ve been absent at or late to work, school, or social outings for no clear reason
• They’re wearing clothes that don’t fit the season, such as long sleeves in summer to maybe cover bruises
• They have been showing signs of fear, anxiety, or nervousness when they are away from their partner
• They refer to their partner as jealous, moody, having a bad temper, etc.

How can I help?

It’s important to approach them delicately and in private. Do not expect them to be super vocal at first, they may even deny it. All you can do is be a friend and offer your support should they need it, as well as provide them with guidance on who to contact. Men and women alike can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE). Help is available 24/7 in over 170 languages and all calls are anonymous. Read more here.

Tessmer Law Firm, PLLC is assisting clients through separation, divorce, and more. To schedule a consultation click here or call 210-368-9708.

The post Someone I Know Is Being Abused appeared first on Tessmer Law Firm.

Domestic abuse is more than just physical. There can be psychological abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse (yes, you can be sexually abused and even raped by your significant other), financial abuse, and emotional abuse.

Am I being abused?

Am I being sexually abused?

• Rape, attempted rape or sexual assault
• Inappropriate touching anywhere
• Masturbation of either or both parties without consent
• Sexual penetration or attempted penetration of the vagina, anus or mouth without consent
• Any sexual activity that the person lacks the capacity to consent to
• Inappropriate looking, sexual teasing or suggestive commentary, or sexual harassment
• Sexual photography or forced use of pornography or witnessing of sexual acts
• Indecent exposure

Am I being psychologically or emotionally abused?

• They force social isolation
  • They prevent you from accessing services, educational and social opportunities or seeing friends
• They remove mobility or communication aids
• They intentionally leave you unattended when you need help
• They prevent you from meeting your religious or cultural needs
• They prevent your from expressing your opinion
• They fail to respect your privacy
• They prevent your from mental stimulation, such as engaging in meaningful occupation or activities
• They use tactics of intimidation, coercion, harassment, threats, humiliation, bullying, as well as swearing or verbal abuse
• They address you in a patronizing or infantilizing way
• They threaten harm or abandonment
• They cyber bully you via text or social media

Am I being financially or materially abused?

• They steal your money or possessions
• They prevent you from accessing your own money, benefits or assets
• They arrange for less care than is needed to save money to maximize inheritance
• They deny assistance to manage/monitor financial affairs
• They deny assistance to access benefits
• They misuse personal allowance in a care home
• They misuse benefits or direct payments in a family home
• The use false representation, using your bank account, cards or documents
• They exploit your money or assets, e.g., unauthorized use of a car
• They misuse a power of attorney, deputy, appointeeship or other legal authority

Help is available if you or someone you know needs it. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or visit the Abuse and Domestic Violence Resource Page. Tessmer Law Firm, PLLC is assisting clients through separation, divorce, and more. To schedule a consultation click here or call 210-368-9708.

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Couples in Texas that want to live apart have only one legal remedy – divorce.

If you want to split up and live apart, but not divorce, you can voluntarily decide on a parenting plan for your children. A Suit Affecting the Parent-Child Relationship (SAPCR) can be filed that outlines the rights and responsibilities of each parent. A SAPCR is not a Google-and-do-it-yourself document. You will want an experienced family law attorney to draft it for you.

But that only addresses legal issues with your children. What do you do to protect your property rights? How do you legally divide your finances, your debts, etc.?

It is possible to work out an informal separation agreement.

But, because the state of Texas does not recognize separation as legal, it limits your protections. Your ability to enforce the agreement if your spouse decides to disagree could be limited, too.

Another way to divide community property if you want to separate is with a “Partition and Exchange Agreement.” This is sometimes called a “Post-Nuptial Agreement.”  This allows a couple to transfer interest in marital property to one spouse so that it becomes that spouse’s separate property. This type of agreement must be signed by both parties and recorded in the deeds records of the county where the property is located.

A Post-Nuptial Agreement can stay in effect for a lifetime, and all the while, the parties remain legally married. If at some point you decide to divorce, the property that has already been partitioned stays separate property. The court cannot change it back to community property or take it away from you and give it to your spouse.

A problem that could come up is if you decide to reconcile, but you do not undo the agreement. If you later decide to divorce, or if your spouse dies, the Post-Nuptial Agreement is still in effect. You may be surprised to learn that you do not have rights to certain property that you would, had you dissolved the Post-Nuptial Agreement.

All in all, the best legal way to separate in Texas is to file for divorce.

Soon after filing for divorce, there is a hearing to establish Temporary Orders. At this hearing, you can petition the court to:

• Establish child custody and visitation arrangements;
• Establish child support and/or spousal support payments;
• Force a spouse to move out of the family home;
• Order either spouse not to sell any valuable assets; and
• Give possession of the family home or vehicle to one spouse.

Once Temporary Orders are in place, a divorcing couple can “live on” the orders for an indefinite period of time.

If you are thinking about separation or divorce, call us for a consultation at 210-368-9708. Our experienced Attorneys can tell you of your rights under the law and help you protect yourself, your children, and your assets.

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Before your divorce, you may have insurance policies, a Will or Power of Attorney that benefit the other spouse, or that names the other spouse as an executor. Before filing for divorce, you may want to make changes. Sometimes changes are prohibited after a divorce is filed, so check with your attorney. You may not want your soon-to-be-ex-spouse to have powers under a health care or general power of attorney — especially not when there is a lot of conflict and life/death decisions are at stake.

During your divorce, an Estate Plan can be a relevant part of a property settlement agreement. Sometimes, spouses agree to create trusts for each other or have will provisions that benefit the other spouse — even after the divorce. For example, the couple may agree to set aside funds in a trust to pay for a spouse to go back to school in order to re-enter the workplace. If the spouse decides not to go back to school for some reason, then that money is not lost. It can revert back to the first spouse or be used for other purposes.

Also, it is important for your attorney to review Estate Planning documents created before the divorce, because you may have taken action that limits what you can do with certain property during a divorce.

After the divorce, you will want to revise your Wills, etc. In most states, former spouses are automatically excluded from serving as trustees or estate administrators or from receiving under your Will. Your Will should be in compliance with what you agree to in your divorce. We recommend that all of our recently divorced clients review and revise their Will and Estate Plans.

Tessmer Law Firm, P.L.L.C. can assist you with a complete Estate Plan suited to your individual needs. Contact us today for a consultation at 210-368-9708. Remember, we are your San Antonio attorneys putting families first!

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Social Security rules are complex, and a “gray” divorce or remarriage can affect your benefits. Although the court cannot divide Social Security benefits, many people going through a “gray” divorce may qualify for benefits based on their spouse’s earning history.

Under current Social Security rules, in order to qualify for benefits based upon a former spouse’s record, you must have been married for at least 10 years before divorcing; be at least 62 years old; remain unmarried; have a former spouse who is qualified for benefits, and be qualified for a lesser amount of benefits based on your record.

For more information about divorce and social security benefits, call (210) 368-9708 or submit a consultation request here.

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Sometimes a divorcing parent does not know how to deal with their hurt and anger, so they lash out at their soon-to-be ex. When parents lash out, it is often through their kids. This is central to the plot of our next recommended family law movie.

Mrs. Doubtfire is a 1993 comedy starring Robin Williams as Daniel Hillard, and Sally Field as Miranda Hillard. The Hillard’s are a San Francisco couple with three children. Daniel is a devoted and loving father but is unreliable as a husband. After a very heated argument, Miranda files for divorce. At the first hearing, Miranda is awarded custody of the children because Daniel is unemployed and has no place to live.

Where Does Mrs. Doubtfire Come In?

Desperate to stay connected with his kids, Daniel applies to Miranda’s ad to hire a housekeeper as a Scottish nanny named Euphegenia Doubtfire. When Miranda invites Mrs. Doubtfire for an interview, Daniel enlists the help of his makeup artist brother to transform him into Mrs. Doubtfire. Miranda hires Mrs. Doubtfire and they soon become a family. Miranda becomes friends with Mrs. Doubtfire, whom the kids adore.  Everyone is happy. 

Plot Twist!

Daniel becomes more responsible and trustworthy as he learns about taking care of the family as Mrs. Doubtfire. But when he asks Miranda to allow him to look after the kids, Miranda tells him she cannot fire Mrs. Doubtfire because she has made their lives so much better.

Ultimately, Daniel’s secret identity is revealed. The good news is playing “Mrs. Doubtfire” leads Daniel to a new job with his own television show. At the next custody hearing, Daniel shows he has a job and a suitable home for the children. Daniel gives a heartfelt speech about why he created and pretended to be Mrs. Doubtfire. The judge is sympathetic, but grants Miranda full custody, with Daniel limited to supervised visitation once per week.

Without Mrs. Doubtfire, the family is miserable. Miranda decides to appeal the custody ruling because she sees how much happier the kids were when Daniel was involved. As the movie closes, Mrs. Doubtfire tells her new television audience no matter what arrangements families have, love will always prevail.

In Mrs. Doubtfire, Robin Williams makes us laugh out loud.  He also shows us how important it is for children of divorce to have both parents. Some exes are completely disinterested in being a part of your children’s lives. However, if your ex is a loving parent and really wants to be involved with the kids, it is in the kids’ best interest to help foster that relationship. This is especially true if you are the custodial parent.

Denying visits and making things difficult hurts your children in the long run. Are you a divorced parent in the San Antonio area and being denied visitation or access to your children? There are ways we can help. Call us today at 210-368-9708 or visit our contact page to schedule a consultation. Remember, at Tessmer Law Firm, PLLC, families come first!

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