Divorce Mistake #1: Forcing The Kids To Take Sides

It is a painful time – you are angry and just want to hurt your spouse, but never, ever use your kids as pawns in the process. The best thing you can do for them is to remind them that both parents love them and will be there for them, no matter what happens. Resist the urge to badmouth your soon-to-be-ex in front of your kids, no matter what they’ve done.

Divorce Mistake #2: Failure To Develop A Parenting Plan

Once your divorce is final, your relationship with your ex will change — sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. The more specific you can be with the start and end times for your kids’ parenting time, vacations, holidays, etc., the easier it will be on them because they will have some routine when the rest of their lives have been disrupted.

Divorce Mistake #3: Jumping Into A New Relationship

Divorce is one of the most stressful and isolating experiences you can go through.  It makes sense to seek the comfort, emotional connection, and fun distraction that a new relationship offers, but please, refrain. You are not ready to give another person what they deserve. Your kids will be confused by you bringing a new “parent” into the picture. You need time to recover and reflect before jumping into a new relationship. Avoid these mistakes and take some time to rebuild your sense of self and define yourself apart from your ex.

We hope you found these tips valuable and informative. We want you to avoid these common mistakes when getting divorced. 

If you have questions about divorce or any other legal matter, call us at 210-368-9708.  We are here to help!

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Sometimes a divorcing parent does not know how to deal with their hurt and anger, so they lash out at their soon-to-be ex. When parents lash out, it is often through their kids. This is central to the plot of our next recommended family law movie.

Mrs. Doubtfire is a 1993 comedy starring Robin Williams as Daniel Hillard, and Sally Field as Miranda Hillard. The Hillard’s are a San Francisco couple with three children. Daniel is a devoted and loving father but is unreliable as a husband. After a very heated argument, Miranda files for divorce. At the first hearing, Miranda is awarded custody of the children because Daniel is unemployed and has no place to live.

Where Does Mrs. Doubtfire Come In?

Desperate to stay connected with his kids, Daniel applies to Miranda’s ad to hire a housekeeper as a Scottish nanny named Euphegenia Doubtfire. When Miranda invites Mrs. Doubtfire for an interview, Daniel enlists the help of his makeup artist brother to transform him into Mrs. Doubtfire. Miranda hires Mrs. Doubtfire and they soon become a family. Miranda becomes friends with Mrs. Doubtfire, whom the kids adore.  Everyone is happy. 

Plot Twist!

Daniel becomes more responsible and trustworthy as he learns about taking care of the family as Mrs. Doubtfire. But when he asks Miranda to allow him to look after the kids, Miranda tells him she cannot fire Mrs. Doubtfire because she has made their lives so much better.

Ultimately, Daniel’s secret identity is revealed. The good news is playing “Mrs. Doubtfire” leads Daniel to a new job with his own television show. At the next custody hearing, Daniel shows he has a job and a suitable home for the children. Daniel gives a heartfelt speech about why he created and pretended to be Mrs. Doubtfire. The judge is sympathetic, but grants Miranda full custody, with Daniel limited to supervised visitation once per week.

Without Mrs. Doubtfire, the family is miserable. Miranda decides to appeal the custody ruling because she sees how much happier the kids were when Daniel was involved. As the movie closes, Mrs. Doubtfire tells her new television audience no matter what arrangements families have, love will always prevail.

In Mrs. Doubtfire, Robin Williams makes us laugh out loud.  He also shows us how important it is for children of divorce to have both parents. Some exes are completely disinterested in being a part of your children’s lives. However, if your ex is a loving parent and really wants to be involved with the kids, it is in the kids’ best interest to help foster that relationship. This is especially true if you are the custodial parent.

Denying visits and making things difficult hurts your children in the long run. Are you a divorced parent in the San Antonio area and being denied visitation or access to your children? There are ways we can help. Call us today at 210-368-9708 or visit our contact page to schedule a consultation. Remember, at Tessmer Law Firm, PLLC, families come first!

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If you are currently enduring the lengthy process of a divorce, then it is not uncommon to have questions. For many parents, there can be a lot of confusion about custody and the legal jargon associated with it. Here at Tessmer Law Firm, we want to help you understand the ins and outs of the process in Texas!

THE BASICS

In Texas, the law presumes that you and your spouse will be “joint managing conservators.” This means that both parents will share parental rights and obligations. Attorneys and judges use the word “conservatorship” when referring to child custody, and “possession” when referring to visitation. In the case of joint custody, both parents will have conservatorship of the child. Under Texas law, there are two types of joint conservatorships: physical and legal.

JOINT PHYSICAL CUSTODY

Physical custody determines who your child will live with on a day-to-day basis. Generally, parents are awarded 50/50 custody as it is seen as being in the best interest of the child. This style of conservatorship means that your child will be living with Mom and Dad for the same number of days each month. That being said, 50/50 is not always guaranteed and there are situations where one parent is given primary physical custody. In these situations, the other parent is given secondary physical custody or no custody at all. Importantly, these cases should be seen as the exception rather than the rule. A parenting plan will be developed to determine how long your child will stay with each parent.

The court will consider several factors when determining physical custody. One of the factors includes which parent has historically been the primary caretaker. The court may ask some questions to determine this, which could include asking who cooks dinner for your child, helps with homework, or gets them dressed in the mornings. Additionally, the court will determine which parent has the resources to support and care for the child’s physical/emotional needs. The court may ask for your child’s preference as to which parent he/she would prefer to live with. Of course, this is only if they are old enough to make an informed decision.

JOINT LEGAL CUSTODY

Legal custody determines who will make the important decisions for your child. Important decisions can include but are not limited to, the child’s education, health, and religion. In most states, it is common for parents to be awarded joint legal custody. Joint legal custody means that both you and your ex-spouse will have a say in determining what is in the best interest of your child. These decisions may include choosing to put your child on medication or changing their school. However, the courts acknowledge that it is likely that the parent whom your child spends more time with may have a bigger influence in this area. The courts often determine this parent to be the one with a greater understanding of the child’s wishes.

WHAT TO DO NOW

It is important to remember that whatever decision a court makes regarding the custody of your child is not permanent. Custody agreements can be modified upon an agreement reached by both parties or by petitioning the court for a modification. Either way, you will be pleased to know that your situation can still be changed. Imperatively, if you are unsatisfied and would like to change your agreement, then it is wise to retain a lawyer to help you. We would be more than happy to assist you through this change at Tessmer Law Firm. If you believe that your child would benefit from a new custody agreement, please call our office to schedule a consultation.

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