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Tessmer Tips / 27.04.2016

WARNING SIGN #8: “I’M JUST SAYIN’”:   He is always joking around, but his “jokes” are filled with malicious sarcasm and condescending undertones. Sometimes his humor seems innocent and just poorly timed; at other times his hostility is unmistakably purposeful. When he is not poking fun at others, his direct conversations will likely be condescending, cruel or rude in nature. Listen to the way he talks about his ex; does he become angry, call her names, or use insulting descriptions in an effort to blame her for the demise of that relationship? Consider that these comments are directed at others for now;...

Tessmer Tips / 26.04.2016

WARNING SIGN #7: THIN SKIN:   Abusers tend to have low self-esteem, so they are easily upset or insulted. They tend to make a big deal out of nothing, focus on insignificant details or comments, and assume that any difference of opinion is a direct personal attack.  Abusers are highly inpatient, excessively critical of others, and lack the ability to forgive others. He may often claim that you have ‘hurt’ him; even your smallest transgressions cause him emotional pain. While his petty attitudes and outrageous emotional responses seem unfounded, you will eventually feel devalued and question your sensibilities.  You will often...

Tessmer Tips / 25.04.2016

WARNING SIGN #6: THE LONE WOLF:   At first, it might appear that he really enjoys spending time alone with you, or that he is just uncomfortable around others.  Or maybe it is just that he loves being one with nature; but eventually you will want to get out and do something. The abuser’s insistence to hang out alone only serves one purpose, he wants to isolate you from the outside world because he is vested in keeping you all for himself. This individual will either outright refuse or offer excuses as to why he cannot meet your family or friends.  Similarly,...

Tessmer Tips / 22.04.2016

WARNING SIGN #5: ANYTHING YOU CAN DO I CAN DO BETTER:   An abuser generally has an attitude of self-righteousness, truly believes that he is better than everyone else, and will have no misgivings over telling you this. The abuser will intentionally attack others’ self-esteem, seeking to make them feel bad about themselves, and does this solely to increase his self-esteem. Not surprisingly, he will maintain very rigid, stereotypical sex roles. Eventually, he will refer to you using derogatory female terms, insisting that ‘as a woman, you should know your place.’ He feels you are inferior, and will expect that you...

Tessmer Tips / 21.04.2016

WARNING SIGN #4: IT’S NOT HIS FAULT:   What do you know about his childhood? Did he experience abuse or neglect? If so, do these experiences continue to have a negative impact him? Having experienced an abusive childhood is not necessarily a deal-breaker, but if he uses his history of abuse as an excuse for his poor attitude or for feeling a general sense of resentment and entitlement, this should be on your radar. Those with a sense of entitlement believe they should receive special treatment or considerations not afforded to others. They have an unjust sense of superiority and assume that...

Tessmer Tips / 20.04.2016

WARNING SIGN #3: THE GREEN MONSTER:   At first, the jealous behavior doesn’t seem excessive, so there is no immediate red flag warning. You may notice he is uncomfortable with you talking to other men or participating in activities without him, but you think his response is “sweet,” or is proof of his devotion to you. Unfortunately, these minor displays of jealousy are only the beginning for an abuser. The jealousy will increase in intensity as the relationship progresses, and it has the potential to manifest into a lethal attack.  When questioned, an abuser will claim that his possessiveness is a...